Arthur Davidson of the famed Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation dies and went to heaven, at the gates St Peter told Arthur “Since you have been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven”.
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said “ I want to hang out with God”.
St Peter took him to the throne room, and introduced him to god.
Arthur then asked God “Hey aren’t you the inventor of women?”
God Said “Oh Yeah”
“Well” said Arthur “Professional to Professional you have some major design flaws in your invention”
There is too much inconsistency with the front end suspension.
It chatters constantly at high speed
Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
The intake is placed too near the exhaust, and finally,
The maintenance costs are outrageous.
“Hmmmmmmmmm you may have some good points there” replied God
“Hold on” God went to his celestial super computer, typed a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
“Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed” God said to Arthur “but according to these numbers more men are riding my invention than yours”
Getting ready for a biker rally, the difference between Men & Women
Women
Three weeks before:
Book hair, nail and eyebrow appointment
Buy hair colour
Search E Bay for outfit & Boots
Look at womanly physique in the mirror….decide that you need to loose a stone in 3 weeks, so make mental note to do workout, sit ups, squats etc. every day.
Save small amount of your favourite toiletries, face cleaner, toner, eye make up remover, day cream, night cream, eye cream, factor 15for the face and factor 8 for the body, (factor 25 just in case the sun does come out), body lotion, shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, hair products (one to give it body, one to make it straight, one to make it glossy, one so it does not frizz, one to keep it in place)
Two weeks before:
Buy new outfit (two of just in case) off EBay using searches such as Biker Babe, Biker Rally Outfit, Black Goth, Black Basque ladies etc.
Start tan-tastic preparations, scrub flesh and moisture.
The week before:
Dye hair, hair cut, buy new hair products.
Eyebrows waxed
Manicure and pedicure
Apply self tanning cream (unless you are going “GOTH”
Look in shops for outfit, just in case you see a better one than you bought last week.
The day before:
Sort out all the clothing you are taking into piles.
The clothing you are wearing is now on hangers
All other items “hidden” so your Victor Meldrew husband does not say “Do you think you are taking that lot for two days”
The day of:
Face pack, condition hair, shave armpits, legs and flange, apply make up (no mascara – avoiding panda eyes whilst travelling in gale force winds on bike)
Try to pack 10 tops, 3 pairs of jeans, 3 sets of matching underwear, toiletries (as above) towel (the size of a small country) into small bag.
Text mates to see if they are taking hairdryers and / or straighteners as you realise you have gone over your “baggage allowance”
Moisturise whole body, get dressed putting on extra layers of clothing you could not fit into bag.
Put extra items you “forgot to pack” in every pocket available.
Men
Put tent on bike
Take toothbrush if going for more than one night.
Moan at woman for taking the amount of luggage she has for two nights.
Put on rally pants, club t shirt, club hoody and cut off.
Go………………….
Apologies to all women who are lower maintenance and for men who are higher……….
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